eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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