i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
