My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
