but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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