I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
