So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
