Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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