I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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