Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
