That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
you had me at cake vodka
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
