So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
