i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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