I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
