Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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