During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
