ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
