I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
