Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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