well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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