I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
