Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
