My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
They have beer where we have blood.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
