You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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