I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
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