Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
