i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
