It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
