walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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