Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
