pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
