It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
