I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
