I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
