So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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