WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
