have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
