he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
