the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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