I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
