idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
