when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
