dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
