my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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