she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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