We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
