Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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