Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
