the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
