i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
