now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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