carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
