i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
