i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Walk of Shame today included voting.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
