If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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