Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
